2018

The Dead Bird That Started It All

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Rainy days usually get me down. I don't go outside but stay with the dogs all day, doing nothing productive. But since yesterday's mini-slump, I thought I should go to school and try my best to be productive.

So that's exactly what I did. I worked hard all day and I was proud of myself. These days, work doesn't feel draining but really fun and enjoyable. I think it's all because of the dead bird I met couple of months ago, I think in last November. I was on my bike after an argument I had with someone and I saw a dead bird on the side of the road from distance. People noticed the bird but everyone scurried away because I guess it's not so cute anymore once it's dead.

I was in deep thoughts while biking that day and that bird just paused all the heavy and dark thoughts that were running through my mind. I stopped my bike and walked up to the bird to take a closer look. His eyes were closed and wings oddly not spread but just resting on the ground. I was sure he was dead so I wanted to make him a grave. I crouched down to pick him up with my two hands and he was still warm. My heart dropped and tears came like a crash of waves. Not expecting the bird to be still warm, I sat on the ground with the bird in my hands.

Nothing else, my worries and thoughts, mattered more than making a nice grave for this bird. I picked myself up, and swept the tears with my sleeves and started to dig a hole on the side of the street.

I gently put him in the hole and decided to take a photo of this moment. I pulled out my Mju and when I tried to turn it on, the shutter slide wouldn't open. It was jammed.

I had this dead bird in a hole I dug, still warm and my camera seemed to be broken. I started to cry more. After failing to fix the camera, I gave up and decided to put soil over him and let him rest in peace. (p.s. I fixed my Mju later that day)

After finishing making a grave, my hands and underneath my fingernails were dirty. I got on my bike again and shed some more tears and wondered why this bird came into my life that day.

But I think I know now why he did.

To show me to worry less and be happy to be living.

Death is a mystery to the living but living is also a mystery to those who are alive.