When my mom told me that she is a lesbian, I think I lost the trace of my thought.

“Why do women never search for the meaning of what it really means to be married in a heterosexual marriage with a kid? Do they really know what it’s like to be a wife of someone? For someone?
Sex was and never will be a pleasurable thing between your father and I. I conceived you only to give birth to you. I never enjoyed having sex with your father. Do you know what it’s like to watch women talk about feminism and how much of a feminist they are, thinking to yourself that they are full of shit?”

I think that’s why I started smoking again. Because I am not quite sure yet what it means to be her daughter and what this means to my father. Perhaps, he already knows.

What does it mean for my father that he is in love with a lesbian?