Had a dream that my dad died in a car accident
Woke up, choked up
Thank god it was just a dream
Poor Matisse impression
When my mom told me that she is a lesbian, I think I lost the trace of my thought.
“Why do women never search for the meaning of what it really means to be married in a heterosexual marriage with a kid? Do they really know what it’s like to be a wife of someone? For someone?
Sex was and never will be a pleasurable thing between your father and I. I conceived you only to give birth to you. I never enjoyed having sex with your father. Do you know what it’s like to watch women talk about feminism and how much of a feminist they are, thinking to yourself that they are full of shit?”
I think that’s why I started smoking again. Because I am not quite sure yet what it means to be her daughter and what this means to my father. Perhaps, he already knows.
What does it mean for my father that he is in love with a lesbian?
Then what is it?
I went to JiSu’s birthday party today. I arrived there in a second like a lightning. JiA was there, too. I ran to her as if it was her birthday today.
There was food that was shining like gold. I gulped up my favorite pizza. JiSu screamed “Let’s go to the playground” and I thought all the furnitures were split in half because of her loud voice.
Then all the little shoes ran to the playground like lightning. It seemed like there were 10000000 people at the playground. Laughing and screaming…I think the escape game is what takes a long time.
So it became 6:30PM in a blink of an eye.
[blue note: I was surprised too. I was proud of you, climbing the mountain for three hours. I think mountain is very good to build patience. One foot after another, step by step! -mom]